Jaime Chung makes us DROOL

The star of Sorority Row Jaime Chung is smoking hot! The movie might have kicked dick but we’re all still getting sprung over the Real World party girl!

Jaime Chung Complex photoshoot

HOT!

Who doesn’t like asain girls?

Hello Kappa Kappa Gamma

KKG

Maxim

Sorority Row

Pee Hole burn

House Party Talk on the Steps:So, the other day I came across an interesting read that reminded me of one of my earliest childhood memories. Now most guys or bros can relate to this story because it is a life lesson that every young man must learn. Most girls will have no idea what the hell I am talking about until they read the end of the post. At this point they will realize that anything that comes close to what I am about to describe is something like a raging sand storm in their vagina.

Anyways….it all starts out when we guys begin to grow hair on our balls. Our voice starts to crack. Puss nodules form on our face and our arms seem to be disproportionate to our legs. We start to like boooooobiessss! We wonder what sex feels like?And at this point in our lives we have all mastered the art of masturbation. We are supreme “Jerkin” it pros. It is around this time and age, that with the accumulation of hormonal creativity and masterbatory skill we discover… wanking it in the shower. Some discover it early and some discover it later. There is no specific time frame but all guys make this expeditionary discovery. When we do, well we find that there is no better place, more secluded, more private, or more awesome. And there is nothing more awesome than more secluded and more private when wanking off.

Guys can obviously be creative animals, especially when it comes to sexual activities. And we perform alot of sexual activities on our own. When our creative minds get to work, instinct plays a huge role. I say this because, it is almost like a natural instinct for guys to find something that mimics the feeling of a pussy, or something that we thought felt like a wet vag when we first started tuggin the rope. Lotion, Vaseline, spit, orange juice, I don’t know, whatever and etc.

So, right around the time of significant sexual discovery in the shower, our minds start to wander. We look around for the most clever, most brilliant, most elaborate substance…or lubricant, that we think will feel the greatest.

What do we see? Behind our moms shaving cream and to the side of the twenty loufas we see SOAP!…. SOAP, SOAP, SOAP! It’s everywhere. It will FEEEEEL the greatest, is what our pubescent brains determine.

 Most guys cringe at the thought. But, here comes the life lesson. Here comes our first experience with the dreaded soap monster. 

We lube up our hands and get them nice and sudsey. The shower is warm. Steam is rising towards the ceiling. The door is locked. The bathroom is empty, private and secluded. You can hardley wait, and the anticipation is killing you. (It’s the setup for a perfect horror movie) A few congradulatory thoughts race across your mind. “Today you become a man. Today is the day I discover what a real pussy feels like. No more of this regular boring beat off shit.”

With your hand cocked and ready, you begin to do the dirty deed of whacking the banana.

The sensation takes over and you begin to think, why the hell havn’t I discovered this before? This feels amazing!

….Then all of a sudden something doesn’t seem right. You slowly begin to squint your eyes, your mouth pierces up. You look around, maybe you are not alone anymore?  You check the water temperature, still hot. You pull the curtain back, still alone. Hmmmmmmmmm….what doesn’t feel right?

Then you recognize that learning the hard way always sucks dick. And at that very moment you only wish that your dick was getting sucked, because you realize that the tip of your penis is on FUCKING FIRE!!!!!!!!!!

Our minds start to go crazy! “FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! What do we do? What do we do? What the FUCK do we do? We Peeee! Yes, we Peeee!”

 So we start to pee.

“Just get rid of this Fucking terrible burning sensation in my PEE HOLE!” is what we think.

Then, NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! IT BURNS EVEN MORE! WHAT THE FUCK! WHAT THE FUCK?!MAKE THE BURNING STOP!!!!!!!!

Hahaha. I chuckle at the memory and the life lesson that every guy goes through, because masturbation techniques are so funny. Guys and masturbation are like an oxymoron. Our  masturbation techniques are unique, just like everyone else. And just like soap in the pee hole, it burns our fucking head. We’re all pretty much the same. Thats why we can laugh about our dumb soapy mistakes and girls cannot when they stupidly develop an Australian sand storm in their pussys.

Here is some funny advice I found on yahoo answers, about what to do when soap enters the pee hole:

- “Try self first aid like using vaseline on your tip after every pee. The vaseline will keep the tip moist. Too much fun and friction in the shower with soap, nuh uh!”

- ”I have experienced the same thing before… the only reason is because the soap has entered your pee hole… when this happens to me, i simply dont urinate for the rest of the day.. because i am too scared of the pain…”

-”it only burns because maybe it is trying to split and morph into two penii.”

NORML Cafe Opens in Portland, WEED!

House Party Talk on the Steps:

Precisely at 4:20 pm, Friday the 13th, the first coffee house in America allowing  the use of medical marijuana opened to the public in Portland Oregon. Similar to the New Amsterdam Cafe in Vancouver BC, the NORML Cafe allows the use of “Weed” while providing the regular comforts like any other cafe. There is Wi-Fi available and baked goods to satisfy the inevitable munchies. Most Oregonians interviewed, about the opening of NORML’s doors have proven to be positve in their opinion.

- “From a pharmacological standpoint, on a number of scientific measurements of long established fact, marijuana is no worse than alcohol. Therefore, marijuana should of course be legal.”

-”The criminalization of drugs is so counter-productive one has to wonder why it persists — and I say this as somebody who doesn’t even take aspirin.”

-”My last doctor gave me Vicodin which I rationed over three years. thanks US medical system and DEA for keeping me in pain.”

-”baby steps…. Pot is not going to be made legal over night. This is a positive step in the right direction. The US needs to legalize and TAX it. I know Oregon and CA could surely use the revenues.”

Head on over to Portland to rip some pipe. Maybe you’ll be one of the lucky few to see Michael Phelps there!

Jameson Bartenders Ball

Free Jameson? Lets Black out!

Correspondant Bum Douglas! VIP

Full House!

Its a Ball!

 

 

BRO STYLE! BRAH!

House Party Talk on the Steps:

Socially ambitious, active with sports, and recreation minded from the age of 18, all bros have a specific style. The bro style is a mix of athletic, surf, deusch, and sometimes metro. A prime example to start us off is the New Era Hat. The backwards, front words , 45 degree angled, lid tipped, or tucked ears baseball cap is a staple. As a male who doesn’t like to think too hard about what I am going to wear to my next house party, I’ve done all the bros out there a favor and dug up some bro style brands.

The first is Estate LA which produces some of the “sickest” caps around! The Leroy Jenkins is a popular one. Check um out at estatela.com

Estate LA

GOODS Collection, Sick snowboard and Skate

Inside GOODS/Seattle

RVCA Surf and Skate/ CA

Ray Ban/ Sun Glasses

Ezekiel skate & surf /CA

RUEHL deusch wear/ NY

POLO Rugby Bro/ NY

Billabong Surf/ CA.HI.

Mark Ecko Fragrance: Caffinate yourself you Bro Bag

Viagra and Sweatpants party

Boners are funny things. Getting caught with a chub used to be embarrassing but now its just plain fashionable, at a party. Viagra can be purchased over the counter and you can buy sweatpants anywhere. The party works out for the ladies and for you, if you have a raging pony schlong.

Party Essentials: Playlist creation!

Music will always be evolving. The top hits will always change. Make sure you have your bases covered though to throw a sick dance party! Use some of these songs in your next creation.

Top Artists now :

Sexy Chick by David Guetta.

Dizzee Rascal’s “Holiday”

MSTRCRFT “BOUNCE”

Lady Gaga “Just Dance” LIL Wayne 

Usher “Yeah”

Party Essentials:The Theory of Relative Cleanliness

Thanks to Askmen.com we have aquired the Theory of Relative Cleanliness! When the After Party hits your bedroom you want all the cards on your side. As irrational as girls are this is what they will correlate with your bathroom. Clean bathroom equals clean dick. Dirty bathroom equals ”Herpa.siffa.gonaritis”. Essentially, go clean your fucking bathroom before the party.  

• Surfaces should be clean. Keep the counter and floor mopped and clutter free.
• Keep a tidy toilet. Women actually need to make contact with it so be generous and give it a wipe. If she has to squat, she isn’t coming back.
• Soap and towels are essentials. It’s a scientific fact that women are more likely to wash their hands, so make sure there is good soap by the sink and clean towels available — if you aren’t going to use them, she is.

Party Essentials: Drinksies!

Top five Drinksies on our list, including brew and liquor: Essential party drinks to make your parties essential – A few good ones and a couple bad ones to get the party kicking dick!

 Kona Brewing Company and the Pike Brewing Company, offer the Pale Kilt Lifter and the Fire Rock Pale Ale

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Busch Ice, Enough Said!     Jose Cuervo Black Medallion w/ coke! (I love the taste of  whiskey, and I love the effect of tequila. Jose Cuervo Black is a tequila but it tastes like a whiskey, mix with cola. Go be inappropriate !

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Panty dropping Floradora! (Gin.Raspberry.Lime.Ginger Ale) Other than being dark pink you wont be teased that much for making it. Besides we had to have one bitch drink to ensure an after party in your bedroom.

Party Essentials: The The Party Process & the Pre-Pre Funk

We have all had our fair share of orgasms in our day. Some people have rituals to how they reach orgasm, some people have traditions, some have patterns. I myself turn on all the lights, strip down to nothing but my socks, summon an image of that oh so beautiful woman that is Julia Child, and start tuggin. Release the hounds!

Ultimately like the patterns during a great beat off, there are like patterns to throwing a great party, essentially the party process. Let us DElve:

1st off: clean the entire house or at least pick up the used condoms. The crusted red keg cups wash them out.

2nd: Make sure you have a ridiculous amount of music, playlists, variety, rap, hip-hop, dance, trance, etc. If you want the party to go towards girls dancing play songs girls like.

3rd: Flats of beer. A Keg or ten. Half G’s or cheap vodka. Mixers.

4th: Send out a mass text “House Party throw down! Invite who ever!” Send out specialized texts and sexts to your bros, homies, dawgs, broskis, ladies, and one night hand stands

5:  Here comes the Pre-Pre Funk. Essentially pumping yourself up before you leave your room. Put on Dizzee Rascals “Holiday” and get ready for a great night. Get yourself in a great mood. Get the blood rushing. Get happy. Smile! Jump up and down. Play with your nipples. Forget the ax we all know that shit doesn’t work. Put on something a little more classy. The old frump, Tommy bahama has never failed me neither has Aqua Di Gio. SMELL GREAT! Make sure to check three imperative places before you leave your room. Your nether regions, your nose for any “flutterers”, and your teeth. Take a party shot of 151 and go kick dick with all the Bros and Sexy Chicks you  invited over!